The art of agreeing to disagree with others with is necessary to maintain healthy relationships with colleagues, neighbors, friends, and that uncle who uses the Thanksgiving dinner table as his opportunity to convert you to his personal ideology - but what happens when the disagreements involve the person closest to you? When partners disagree on topics that get filed under “core values”, it might be more difficult to untangle where our opinions start and our feelings about the relationship end. Managing conflicting opinions on topics that are deeply personal with our neighbors is one thing, but when you and your partner are on opposite sides on political, social, or religious issues, it can damage the relationship if it isn’t handled with care.
Read MoreMoms are chronically overworked, like the kind of overworked that if there was a government watchdog agency monitoring us, someone would need to intervene for our wellbeing. The pandemic has only exacerbated this by adding work-from-home, virtual school, childcare uncertainties, and a serious lack of connection with other humans, the ones that fill our cups, make us laugh until our face hurts, and support us when we need it the most: our girlfriends. So often, these tried-and-true friendships take a backseat to our children, partners, and careers.
Read MoreAs I sit in the aftermath of yet another mass shooting in this country, trying to absorb the gravity of the news that 14 second, third and fourth graders and one educator are dead. As of now, one 10-year-old girl is fighting for her life; it’s early, there might be more. As the parent of an 11-year old boy, this is worse for me than others, as painful as the rest have been. Less than 2-weeks ago, my hometown of Buffalo experienced a senseless mass shooting leaving 10 dead and a heartbroken community. At the time of Sandy Hook, my son was small and as a new mother, I dealt with the trauma by avoiding it; to this day I cannot watch or listen to the stories.
Read MoreOne of the most identifiable aspects of the early days of parenting is exhaustion. Family and friends encourage you to prepare for lack of sleep, “sleep now – you won’t sleep once the baby comes”, suggesting that you can store it away for when you need it most. No one can prepare a first-time parent for parenting and the lack of sleep that often comes along with having a baby. As much as it might be considered a rite of passage to be an exhausted new mom, living on caffeine and “sleeping while the baby sleeps”, the bottom line is that humans need sleep to survive. Something to consider: sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Humans needs sleep.
Read MoreFinding out that your partner is having an affair can be devastating, shaking you to your core, leaving you feeling unmoored and vulnerable. To use the analogy of a relationship being like a house, infidelity tears the house down to the foundation. Like the aftermath of any disaster, you might wonder if it’s worth rebuilding, or if you should just cut your losses and walk away while you’re still in one piece. Like most things, the answer isn’t black and white. Here are the three primary factors to explore when you’re considering rebuilding your relationship after infidelity.
Read MoreMany new moms, and maybe not-so-new moms, navigate motherhood by struggling inside while presenting a perfect image to the rest of the world. The messaging we see and hear from our family, friends, social media, and sometimes our partners, implies that women should instinctively know how to be a mother. However, when the time comes, they feel unprepared. They look around and wonder: where’s the bliss that is portrayed on social media? The real deal is that being a mother is not easy physically, emotionally, or mentally. At one point or another, most moms struggle and their struggle is usually silent.
Read MoreCommunication is one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. It can feel like a never-ending journey to be effectively understood by others and to better understand our partners. Unfortunately, things get in the way of understanding and being understood, in the form of unhelpful types of communication. Especially when you add kids into the equation. Lack of sleep, busy schedules, and the stresses of parenting can take quite a toll on the quality and style of interactions between a couple.
Read MorePregnancy, giving birth, and meeting your baby are transformative experiences that will undeniably change your life in innumerable ways. Whether you had a formal birth plan, with your preferences laid out ahead of time, or you took a more “go with the flow” attitude, the experiences, emotions, joys, and disappointments that occur throughout pregnancy and the birthing process have the power to deeply change one’s perspective on what they imagined the experience might be like. The stories we tell about this profound experience can impact how we view ourselves as parents, as individuals and can potentially play a role in our feelings about future pregnancies.
Read MoreHaving a baby changes your life in every way possible. This is especially true for women who return to work after having a baby, especially in the United States, where there is no mandated paid leave for mothers or fathers. Returning to work can be upsetting and a source of anxiety for many new moms who may not feel ready to go back to their careers. It can feel out of your control, but here are a few strategies that are in your control to help you adjust.
Read MoreMost of us have thoughts where we worry about the worst possible outcome, or we fixate on how we were perceived. We have thoughts that are skewed, disruptive, or just blatantly false. And then you become a mother and the anxious, negative thinking can feel like it’s nonstop. These negative thoughts are known as cognitive distortions and they can interfere in relationships, hold us back from reaching our full potential, and impact our confidence as a person and a parent. Cognitive distortions can also contribute to anxiety and depression, and be a major roadblock to be a present parent.
Read MoreLosing a loved one is one of the most personal and painful experiences that we face in our lives. In the aftermath of a loss, it is easy to get stuck in the pain and feelings of overwhelm and avoid the process of mourning the loss. While grief is a difficult and process, it is also a healthy one. Based on William Worden’s book, Grief Counseling and Grief therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, there are four tasks of mourning. The four tasks of mourning focuses on what you can do, rather than what happens to you in the grief process. The four tasks of mourning include: accepting the reality of the loss, processing the pain of grief, adjusting to the world without the deceased, and finding an enduring connection with the deceased amid embarking on a new life.
Read MorePregnancy and the postpartum period is a time of profound changes, physically, emotionally, and socially. Our bodies change, our emotions vacillate, and our relationships follow suit. The postpartum period is one of adjustment and adaptation. This is true if you are bringing home your first baby or your fourth. Throughout her pregnancy, a mother is typically cared for and doted on, but after her baby is born, support for mom wanes which leaves her vulnerable. So much of what women express to friends, family, and their physicians during pregnancy and during the postpartum period is minimized and invalidated, which makes women feel weak, inadequate, and not suitable mothers. Additionally, strong opinions from family, friends, the woman behind you at the grocery store, often lead moms to question what is the right thing.The following are four truths about postpartum life that every mom deserves to know:
Read MoreWe spend countless hours taking care of things in our lives that we depend on to keep things running smoothly. Like the saying “prevention is better than the cure”. We keep up on things that need “maintenance”, oil changes, yearly check-ups, therapy, but how often do we look under the hood of our marriage? We hear a knocking in our car and we bring it right in, but often, we ignore the clunks and bangs in our relationships.So, how can we put marriage on the priority list, especially when the world seems so chaotic? Small changes can make a big difference. When we think of making changes, we can engage in all or nothing thinking, especially this time of year when we are making resolutions for the New Year. It’s not necessary to go from 0-60. Meet your relationship where it’s at and make that the starting point, while focusing on the core areas below. The following four approaches are well studied, essential ways to improve your marriage, and can all be utilized in small, feasible doses
Read MoreThe American Psychological Association (2013) defines Female Orgasmic Disorder as “delayed, infrequent or absent ability to experience orgasm or markedly reduced intensity of orgasmic sensations.” It is an extremely common sexual dysfunction. Below are 10 important facts about FOD:
Read MoreSelf-care can feel like another chore on your to-do list when you are “time poor.” Many people are feeling extremely time poor right now due to the juggling of multiple roles at once (for instance being a full-time employee while simultaneously being a parent who is homeschooling). If you are feeling very short on time try to incorporate self-care in to activities that you already have to do during the day. For example:
Read MoreEven when we set healthy boundaries for ourselves, it does not mean that other people will always acknowledge or respect these boundaries. If you find yourself in this situation here are some steps you can take:
Read MoreOne third of women will experience pelvic pain over their lifetime. Anytime you notice a change in what is normal for you, it is important to keep track of this change and speak with your doctor. If your doctor dismisses you, make sure to seek out a second opinion. Below are 5 symptoms that you should talk to your health care provider about:
Read MoreThere are different levels of things not going well in a relationship during quarantine. On one end of the spectrum we have couples who are for most of the time getting along with only a minor dispute occasionally. Other couples are being tested by the time in quarantine and are noticing more frequent fighting, or that their fighting is more intense. While this is concerning, it can be managed and worked on. The most extreme end of the spectrum are those living with an abusive partner. Reports of domestic violence have increased since quarantine, and even last month the most common google search for our practice’s website was about abusive relationships (something that has never happened since we’ve been tracking this data).
Read MoreCouples look forward to so many things when they think about living with one another…being trapped with your partner under quarantine during a global pandemic is NOT one of them. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you’re living with your partner for the first time during quarantine:
Read MoreQuarantining with a partner can present a myriad of issues—changes in power dynamics and roles in the relationship due to job changes or job loss, coparenting while trapped together, stressors related to worrying about older or at risk family members, loss of alone time, inability to engage in enjoyable hobbies or coping skills, etc. All of these challenges can of course spill over into our sex lives. Here are a few of the most common challenges for couples in quarantine regarding their sexual relationships:
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